I'll Be Seeing You...

Christmas seems like a blur now that I try to think back on it. So much has happened in such little time that I'm not quite sure what has happened. The week I came back I unpacked as much as I could, spent time with my aunts going through old pictures of my grandparents and caught up with old friends. On the Saturday and Sunday before Christmas, I made secret Christmas ornaments with my 4 younger cousins. I did the twins on Saturday night with my aunts, uncle, and parents. The girls were crazy, but loved it. On Sunday, I "stole" Archer and Arden and did their's at my house. They were perfect angels and Archer claimed that their hands were "going to stay white forever!" Now their mother might disagree with the perfect angels part, but they truely were. I made snowmen out of their fingers and attached ribbon to the top as a hook. Most of the recipients of the ornaments really loved them. My uncle told me that it was a really great idea I had. This was the final product.

These arn't just five snowmen,

As anyone can see,

I made them with my hand,

Which is part of me.

Now each year when you trim the tree,

You can look back and recall

Christmas of 2011

When my hand was just this small!

Love, Archer

I got this idea from pinterest, of course. But more importantly from http://momscraftyspace.blogspot.com/2010/12/five-little-snowmen.html

I also got a few more decorating ideas from pinterest, so during the time where I should have been doing so many other things (like un-packing) I did this:

Our fridge became a snowman! A hat was later added per request from my amazing cousin Brian.

I just used construction paper for the eyes, nose, mouth, and buttons. I used wrapping paper for his scarf.

I got this idea from: http://www.crazydomestic.com/search/label/christmas

This is our window in the kitchen. I just attached ornaments to the curtain rod.

Now if only we could get rid of those ugly curtains!

I got this idea from a few different places but this is one of them:

http://www.trendytree.com/image-gallery/centerpieces-and-windows

I was asked to make a picture collage for my grandma's memorial service that was held the day after Christmas. I was given a stack of pictures and a form board. My aunts and I ended up going through all of my grandma's pictures, remembering, laughing, and I got to see a few I've never seen before. We also found a list of "Favorites" that my grandma had filled out for her 80th birthday party in August of 2009. It had her favorite food, resturant, TV show, song, etc. So I took all of this home and on Wednesday I sat down and worked from about 6pm until just after midnight. I used the stack of pictures that were given to me, printed out all of grandma's favorites on her favorite color of green paper, and started putting them on. I printed out the lyrics to her favorite song {Somewhere My Love}, and found a some awesome old pictures of my grandparents together. I started cutting the pictures down and then realized that...I needed a whole hell of a lot more pictures! So I went back to the photo albums, and boxes filled with photos to find more. I found some and then more than I've seen before. I even found artifacts that were my grandfather's that my grandma put away after his death in 2002. I finally finished the collage even though I was hoping I could fit a few more onto it. This is what it looks like:

As I was making this picture collage I had realized that I had only bought a few Christmas gifts and needed a few more. It suddenly hit me that Christmas was a few days away and I was screwed. But it all got squared away before to long!

I went to an amazing Ugly Christmas Sweater party last Friday and I was concerned about finding a sweater at Goodwill. Well little did I know that I just had to mention it to my mother and she started throwing sweaters at me.

Now Christmas was bittersweet. It was great to have all of my family members together for Christmas Eve like the old days. But it had it's somber parts where Grandma should have been. We all recieved our final Christmas gift from her. Some cried, most laughed and shared their gifts with the family. My favorite part of the evening was at dinner and my 7 year old cousin went around the table asking everyone what their 1) Favorite number was, 2) Favorite food, and 3) Favorite subject. But as she went to the next person and the next, the list of questions had grown and then changed here and there. It turns out that her, my aunt Pati and I all share the favorite number which is 8. That then turned into a math problem with taking 8 times 3 or something like that but my brain shuts off when it hears a math problem.

Christmas 2011 with my two favorite aunts.

The next few days are kind of a blur and thats not due to the amount of alcohol that was consumed by a certain person. The services for my grandma were as beautiful as she was. My old piano teacher played the music for the services and I finally got to thank her for everything since when I tutored I also had to help the little girl practice her piano lessons. My piano playing still is as interesting as it was back then. We have all been working on cleaning out my grandma's house and yesterday I met my aunt, uncle, Archer, and Arden at grandmas to do more sorting. The children, or course, loved the big empty boxes. Arden carried around an empty Christmas tree box and told me she was carring a dead body. Not quite sure where that came from. We made a "boycave" out of my grandma's walk-in closet. Arden didn't seem to mind that we called it a boycave until later when she just let my aunt and me come in and it was a girls house. While Archer was exploring the "boycave" that was filled with boxes and garbage bags, he popped up and said "I'm sexy and I know it!" I busted out laughing. He then asked me if I know that song. He would never understand how much I love that song and how much my friend Emily and I text each other about when to turn on the radio because it was playing. While we were packing stuff, Archer asked my aunt Linda why we were doing all of this packing. Linda explained that great grandma isn't going to be living there anymore and someone else is going to bring their things and live there now." Archer translated things into toys. My dad brought over his trailer and they started filling it with things for my cousin. I let Arch and Ardie stand in the trailer when it was inbetween loads.

Something was mentioned while we were standing on the ramp and Archer said to us: "Great-grandma isn't going to live here any more and someone else is going to bring their toys and live here". Linda and I had went to drop of trash at the dumpster's the night before and when we came back to grandma's we both agreed that it was surreal to be coming there and she's not there. Linda stated that she should be there and I said the light in the window should be on with grandma looking out at us.

As I was getting ready today for my first ever sushi experience with Heather off in Crest Hill, 'I'll be seeing you' by Jimmy Durante came on my i-pod. It reminded me of my grandparents and my dear aunt that I lost just 2 years ago.

I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through.

In that small cafe;
The park across the way;
The children's carousel;
The chestnut trees;
The wishin' well.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.

Happy New Year to you and yours and may 2012 be the best yet!

Saying Goodbye is Never Easy...

Back in August, I accepted a position as an Assistant Infant Teacher at Rend Lake College Foundation Children's Center a.k.a. RLCFCC. Little did I know at that time I would have the greatest job and get to work with the most amazing women and children. I now have friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. I still had my other jobs: Working as a Child Development Specialist, Nursery/Sunday School teacher at Church of the Good Shepherd, and babysitting weekly. That, as you can see, put me up to 5 jobs per week. A little exhausting if I do say so myself.

I started realizing halfway through the semester how unhappy I was living in Carbondale. I had my great friends Whitney and Lacey, whom know me the best and I could call them at anytime and we could get together. I would go to work, come home, sleep, get up and do it all over again the next day. Turns out that isn't much of a life ;) I was missing family that would come home {to Ottawa} and I wouldn't get to spend time with them. My grandma was getting worse and I wanted to be close to her. As my great friend Aimee put it, "Carbondale is a black hole and you need to get out of there asap". Right as this was all circulating in my head, I was realizing who I could trust in my Carbondale life. It turns out that people whom I kept near to my heart, were not the people I once knew. {or at least thought I knew} So I started looking for jobs back home. I had no expectations of ever finding anything but I atleast tried. Right when I figured nothing was coming my way, I got a big bite.

The week before Thanksgiving, I got an e-mail about a position opening at Easter Seals in Ottawa. I cancelled my clients for Wednesday and headed home for an interview. My interview went very well and it was the dream job I was waiting for. I happily accepted the position and chose my start date as December 19th. That gave me three weeks to pack up my apartment and move. With the new job and more money coming in, it was decided that I needed a new car. I had joked about how when a song comes out about painting your chevy cavalier camouflage, {By Brad Paisley} it's time for a new car. This new car of mine was going to be purchased once I moved home and got re-adjusted to my new life. On Thanksgiving it was decided that we were going car shopping on Friday. I didn't get to go Black Friday Shopping at the mall this year. I got to go to the Dealership and shop.

This is a picture of my old baby and my new baby.



 After this LARGE purchase, I was very, very excited for this next step in life. I just now had to go back and tell the people closest to me, that I was leaving.

Some people took it better than others. Cassie on the other hand, started crying when I told her.

I told her it would be good for her and we will still be friends but that doesn't matter. I miss this crazy girl.

Packing is not a favorite of mine. I had three weeks and boy did I need it. I became very overwhelmed with living with boxes all around me. I was ready to go after one week of packing. Another part of me didn't want to leave my RLCFCC family and my friends. I got to catch up with my great ole friend Stephanie a few weeks before I left and she supported my move and said maybe my "future husband" is waiting for me at home like her's was waiting for her in Harrisburg. I still think she is crazy...in a good way. My last week in Carbondale was something special. On the Saturday night a week before I left, I spent the evening with my awesome friend Whitney and already miss our craziness. Whit knows me inside and out and I know her.

On Sunday, I had to say good-bye to the church family that I have known for 2 1/2 years. Saying good-bye to my assistant was hard. She is an amazing girl who will do great in everything she does. I already miss our Sunday chat's about life and what the Kardashians are up to that day.

On Monday night I got to spend it with my great friend Joni. She taught me everything I know about being a pre-k teacher and was the greatest 318 {Practicum at SIU} mentor I've ever had. {She was the only one I had} We spent the evening catching up on our lives, both of our new jobs, and life in general. Tuesday night wasn't something special. I lost my grandmother of 83 years to cancer. As my cousin has told me a few times, she is out of pain and I am greatful for that, but I never wanted to lose another grandparent. I know its a part of life, but that part of life just sucks. I spent Tuesday evening alone, packing 50 wine glasses, wishing I could be with family. I had no one around me and I knew that moving was the best thing for me.  

Wednesday and Thursday I trained my replacement at Archway. I hope I didn't scare her too much. I had to say good-bye to my little guy that I babysat on Wednesday's. He didn't want me to leave and locked the door so I couldn't leave. On Thursday, I went to my professor's house whom I babysat her three children and her youngest was my first preschool student when I was a preschool teacher. Dr. Thompson has been a great mentor for me and a great person to talk to. Her children are amazing and I miss them already. I was given 7 kisses when they went to bed. I stayed a few hours after they went to sleep and just talked. I loved it. Saying good-bye to Dr. Thompson was hard and probably the first time I felt the need to cry. If you know me, I don't cry easily. I need to plan a trip back to see them and talk about my experiences already with my job. After I left there, I went to dinner with my great, great friend Lacey. As she put it, it's not the end. We will talk all of the time and we will see each other as much as we can.

Friday. My last day at RLCFCC. Spent with my two favorite babies. It was surreal that I wouldn't be going back on Monday. After work, we had our Christmas party. It was so much fun and I didn't want to say good-bye to my new but great friends. The first one I had to say good-bye to was Brooke. She is the best director and best mentor I have ever met. She made me feel so comfortable from day one and know's each one of us. I could always go to her with any question's about my other job and she helped me through it all. She has the best personality and really cares for her staff.

The next person to leave was Robin {or Robey :)}. My lead infant teacher. She has shown me a lot in 4 months and also how to be patient when getting things accomplished. She is the life of the party and the bonfires at her house are something I'm going to miss!

Then Shannon had to leave me. I've gotten close to Shannon since we spent our lunch breaks together. We talked about everything: Getting James to ask for a baby sister to her husband, to guys, to twilight. Which I havn't read since I've moved..fyi... She gave me a great Christmas present and I feel horrible that I didn't get her something. But I will repay her big time when she has a baby girl. {or boy if that is the case} I'm a big supporter of giving James a sibling.

Then I had to say good-bye to the rest of the gang. Some people made it easy for me. While others *Cough* Cassie *Cough* cried. I tried to joke and make it easier on me and also make Cassie toughen up but I really do miss that girl.

Kim was an amazing co-assistant infant teacher. Even though we only worked for one day a week together and sometimes only a few hours, I'm going to miss her too!

These girls are angels. I don't know how they do it every day. Pre-K in the morning's scared me. Even though I loved Emily's preschool class and working with them, pre-k scared me. Great kids and I miss them too. I hope these girls appreciate me in the background!

Then came the hardest good-bye of my life. This is the beginning of the good-bye:

The ending was much worse. We knew we couldn't say good-bye to each other but I couldn't leave without talking to Emily. Emily and I have been together for the 4 years I've lived in Carbondale. We started our Early Childhood Program together, graduated around the same time, worked at RLCFCC together, and ate plenty of chinese together in our college days. She is the reason I applied at RLCFCC and am so glad I did. She also got me hooked on coffee. It's still disgusting but with plenty of cream and sugar, we can bare it! Once we hugged, it was over. The tears started flowing and everyone around us kept saying "awe". All I could hear was Emily telling me that I was going to be a great Developmental Therapist and that these kids need me. She is right, but she was the only one I cried with when I said good-bye. I cried on the way home. She has been a great part of my life and I'd never trade her for anyone! I'll miss seeing her face every day but ever since the move, I've talked to her in some way each day.

I love this picture. I need to frame it.

I miss everyone in my Carbondale life, but after this past week, I know it was meant to be and a part of life I had to go through to make myself happy.

Take 2

So a few months ago, I decided to start writting a blog. I started an account, started to mess around with it, got confused very easily, and wrote one entry. And then that was it. Everything I stated that I would do in the first blog...never happened and probably will never happen.

A lot has happened since that first entry back in August. I started two new jobs, worked myself to death, gained some wonderful friends, lost some friends, learned whom I could trust and learned why I don't get close to people. I also learned how many wonderful friends I do have and who to keep my mouth shut around. I figured out what was more important to me, got a new job offer, bought a car (with power windows), quit all 4 of my jobs, moved, and started a new job...all within 3 weeks. With everything I have gained and lost in the past 4 months, I also lost a very important person in my life to cancer.

My brain has barely been able to wrap around what has happened in these past 3 weeks and I don't think it will get a chance to do that for at least a few more weeks. Hopefully I will not be the only one reading this blog. If you happen to be reading this, encourage me to keep going! Or I'll give up soon. Bare with me while I learn what I'm doing! :)